(http://jaimeeharris.wordpress.com/)
Tonight was beautiful. I decided to go for a walk just to clear my head. I popped my headphones into my ears and set out into the night. I didn’t particulary care where I ended up or when I needed to end, but I didn’t make it far. A few minutes after I walked down the stairs, I found myself still on the sidewalk. Branches from two trees overlapped in a way that instantly grabbed my attention. I couldn’t move. I remained still, staring through the opening between the branches that revealed a full moon. The clearing also revealed the path of a passing airplane. The more I stared at this sight in the sky, the more I realized it just looked like a really cloudy rainbow. In the stillness, I thought about what Jered said about uncertainty. There is fear in uncertainty, but there is also beauty and hope. As I stared at the sky and listened to “Bloom,” I realized just how far I have come in the past few months. This may not seem like a big deal, but I went on a date last night. I do not go on dates…. I think they’re so awkward…and my heart has been gaurded for so long. Ugg…dating… I finally realized my roots are no longer planted in “his” garden, but God’s. I can now honestly say I can and want to bloom in God’s will, even if his plan is so far from what I had constrcuted in my head.
I have no idea how I didn’t end up in tears at my last CRU. Tony’s words really hit me. I remember him saying something about college being a very safe environment to discover the chains that hold us down. Geeze, I thought college was just high school with ash trays. The way he put it scared me to death. Why am I leaving this safe environment? I know the path I have chosen is going to be incredibly difficult, but I am hoping it will work out. I am so afraid of leaving all of these wonderful people behind. All I can do is be still and let God’s grace rush over me. Maybe the way God has chosen me to live in his kingdom is very different than others. I guess it’s just something I’m going to have to sort through on the road. The last song we sang tonight, “With Everything,” yanked my heart out of my chest. I truly tried to give everything I had: all of my fears, all of my pride, the walls I built up inside, the friendships, the material posessions, my body, my words, my voice, my energy. My whole world is about to change.
“And the problem it seems is with you and with me, not the love who came to repair everything.” – David Crowder
